Some thoughts on parenting

• What are the purposes of parenting…
  • …for the child?

A family unit is where children learn moral, and what brings human capital to the world.

• …for the parents?

I would say that parents are the ones who benefit the most from parenting.  Parenting can refine a person.

• …for the marriage?

I have learned that parenting can either strengthen or damage a marriage, it is important to take the steps towards marital fulfillment even while being a parent.

• Imagine that a good friend, “If God wants me to be a parent he’ll just let me know what I need to do when the time comes. After all, isn’t being a parent a matte of instinct?” How might you respond to your friend in the most helpful way possible, given your awareness of the value of informed efforts within the family?

This person obviously doesn’t understand the divine role a parent has.  I would help this person learn that parenting is a difficult but fulfilling task.  It is also important in a person’s level of satisfaction throughout their life.

• Another friend states, “Why would I need t learn about parenting? I learned from the best.  I had fantastic parents and I turned out great!” Irrespective of his assessment of how he turned out, how might you encourage this friend to carefully prepare for parenthood and the types of decisions he will make.

It is important that a parent understands that each child is different.  And therefore, requires different parenting.  Even the active approach to parenting recognizes this.

• Michael Popkin, the creator of the Active Parenting program—states that all children have the needs for
  • Contact and belonging
  • Power
  • Protection
  • Challenge
  • and Withdrawal (occasional breaks from )

Which needs to you believe are most important? On what evidence would you base your opinion? Would you alter or amend this list? If so, how and why?
I think that the needs that are most important are dependent on the child.   For some children it is important for them to have a sense of belonging, and for others it is most important that they feel challenged at times.  For example, when my nephew doesn’t feel a challenge, he is automatically turned off and board.  But my niece, his sister, needs to feel as though she belongs and is protected where ever she goes.  I think that this list is quite accurate.  Kids need all of these things to have balance in their lives.    

Family work

Here is some food for thought on Family work:

http://magazine.byu.edu/?act=view&a=151

http://youtu.be/1UV3ZF8OvOA

Stay at home moms

Some wonder why so many Mormon moms decide to stay at home instead of: "contribute to society," or "put their intellect to use."  They wonder if those stay at home mom's are: "wasting their brains."  The Family A Proclamation to the World states:

"Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. “Children are an heritage of the Lord” (Psalm 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.

The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed."

Here is an article that discusses: "Does a Full-Time Homemaker Swap Her Mind for a Mop?" By Dennis Prager.

http://www.dennisprager.com/columns.aspx?g=8e8f6ecd-d9c8-4bc0-a4bb-ad12d301044b&url=does_a_full-time_homemaker_swap_her_mind_for_a_mop

More thoughts on Gay Marriage

It makes more sense now, why more people don't try to fight their same sex attraction.  This would be a very difficult struggle to have throughout life.  But I have also learned that it is only an earthly trial.  And that same sex attraction will not follow us after we die. There is a lot of evidence that points toward same sex attraction being a condition you are born with, but we learned this week that there is a validating argument for the contrary.  This was said by Simon LeVay, a neuroscience author on sexuality.

 

 

Family Crisis

“You have got to be kidding! A crisis is not an opportunity—it’s just…a problem!”

If I knew of somebody to respond this way I would tell them that they were right in that sometimes a crisis does feel like it’s only a problem.  But that when you look back at the crisis there is usually something very important that was learned from the experience.  We are on earth to be tried and tested, and part of that processes is to go through trials and crisis.  From those trials we can choose to be angry and bitter, or to have faith in the Lord.  1 Nephi 1:20 says: “But behold, I, Nephi, will show unto you that the tender mercies of the Lord are over all those whom he hath chosen, because of their faith, to make them mighty even unto the power of deliverance.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tVNYhcYEwIE#action=share

Within Marriage

What is the Law of Chastity for married couples?

·         In an interview found on the church website we learn that there is not a finish line to the Law of Chastity.  https://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?locale=0&sourceId=53537befabc20110VgnVCM100000176f620a____&vgnextoid=c3dcf4b13819d110VgnVCM1000003a94610aRCRD

·         A recommended book when I was engaged was: Between Husband and Wife by Stephen E. Lamb and Douglas E. Brinley.  This book answers a lot of questions that this couple has. In it I learned some important principles. President Kimball said in the May 1974 Ensign that, “Even in marriages there can be some excesses and distortions.  No amount of rationalization to the contrary can satisfy a disappointed Father in Heaven.”  In a General priesthood meeting President N. Eldon Tanner (1978) said, “There are evil and degrading practices which, in the world, are not only condoned but encouraged.  Sometimes married couples in their intimate expression of love to one another are drawn into practices that are unholy, unworthy, and unnatural.  We receive letters from time to time asking for a definition of “unnatural” or “unworthy.” Brethren, you know the answer to that. If in doubt at all, don’t do it.”

Is anything and everything okay behind closed doors?

·         No- refer to quote above by President N. Eldon Tanner.

·         President Boyd K. Packer said; “I must include a caution to you who are married.  A couple may be tempted to introduce things into (their) relationship which are unworthy.  Do not, as the scriptures warn, “change the natural use into that which is against nature,” (Rom. 1:26).  If you do, the tempter will drive a wedge between you.  If something unworthy has become part of your relationship, don’t ever do it again! Now, what exactly do I mean by that?  You know what I mean by that.”

·         President Kimball said:  “If it us unnatural you just don’t do it.  That is all, and all the family life should be kept clean and worthy and on a very high plane.  There are some people who have said that behind the bedroom doors anything goes.  That is not true and the Lord would not condone it.”

What is the connection between the physical and spiritual in a intimate relationship?

·         There is every connection between the physical and spiritual in an intimate relationship.  Elder Robert D Hales says:  “An eternal bod doesn’t just happen as a result of sealing covenants we make in the temple.  How we conduct ourselves in this life will determine what we will be in all the eternities to come.  To receive the blessings of the sealing that our Heavenly Faather has given to us, we hve to keep the commandments and conduct ourselves in such a way that our families will want to live with us in the eternities.”

Why do we have so many kids?

Imagine you are pushing your shopping cart through the grocery store with your three children. Someone stops and says, “What is it with you people who feel the need to have so many children? Don’t you think the world is crowded enough?” (The developer of this course has had that experience.) How might you respond in a manner that is both courteous and instructive?
What I have found is that typically people who ask these types of questions do not comply with an answer like: “God has commanded us to multiply and replenish the earth; you should be having kids too.”  Someone asking this might see themselves as intelligent or well educated, but we know that this is a very arrogant, ignorant question.  The book explains the fertility trends to be decreasing as time goes on.  A documentary called “The Demographic Winter,” explains some important issues behind this problematic phenomenon.  One of those being the inadequate amount of people to take care of the baby boom generation because of the decrease in fertility rates also referred to as a triangle effect.
This question can also be used as a missionary tool, depending on the spirit it was asked in.  For someone sincerely interested in why you insist on having many children, you might give them an answer referring to your belief that we want to bring children into this world and teach them what we know to be true.  This might spark an interest in that person, as to what it is we know that is so important we would have multiple children to continue to pass it on.   

Some Marriage Questions

• How does marital intimacy facilitate oneness in marriage? How can it facilitate our understanding and being closer to God? How can we know what is appropriate and healthy in our marriage? Come prepared to discuss.

Marital intimacy facilitates our understanding and being closer to God because it is “divinely appointed,” and it is a “sacred power.”  God had commanded us to multiply and replenish the earth.  Along with that, the power of procreation brings oneness in marriage, through feelings of: acceptance, trust, and understanding one another. We can know what is appropriate and healthy in our marriage through our closeness to the Lord and our spouse.

• Suppose a classmate states his or her understanding that “the Proclamation says that women should be in charge of parenting because she is the nurturing in the family”, and that “men are to make final decisions in the home, because he is called to preside.” How might you help to clarify what the Proclamation actually teaches on those matters? State it as you might if you were speaking to that person, rather than about that person’s comments.

To this person I would say:  that the proclamation does state, a mother’s primary responsibility is to nurture the children and that the father is to preside in love and righteousness, and to provide the necessities and safety for the family.  Nurturing is not the only aspect of parenting.  The proclamation states that “fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners.”  This does not mean that one spouse has more “say or power” than the other.  Meaning a final decision in the home is made by both the father and mother in unity and equality.  

• In his book, Counseling with Our Councils, Elder Ballard stated that after his first presentation on the issue in General Conference a great deal of attention was paid to the counsel method. Yet “without exception” each of the ward and stake leaders who sought to demonstrate their use of the method took over the process, stated what he believed the resolution to be, and began delegating. How might similar problems arise in marital counsels, and what might we do to counter those tendencies?

Similar problems might arise in marital counsel from one spouse dominating over the other.  If a family is patterned in love and righteousness this will counter those tendencies.

Eternal Families

Not only are families eternal, but that God did not create families.  Families have been of existence forever. The family is under constant attack by the adversary.  President Ezra Taft Benson Taught, "Eternal life may be obtained only by obedience to the laws and ordinances of the gospel."  He advised us to teach these principles in our homes.  I think, that is one description of earthly families being patterned after our eternal family.  What would that mean in terms of how we view and organize our families?  I think that President Benson addressed this well.  We need to those things that build us “a house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning, a house of order, a house of God.” (D&C 88:119.)

This is a great scripture to pattern our lives after.  The spirit is present in this type of house.

What is it with you Mormons? How come you are always making such a big deal about families anyway?  This is a good question.  For somebody who hasn't been taught the principles of the gospel, the family wouldn't seem like such a big deal to them. The family gives reason to our moral lives.  Sister Beck said, “Without the family, there is no plan; there is no reason for mortal life."  I would tell this person about "The Family: A Proclamation to the World."  And that in it we learn that, "The family is central to the Creator's plan for the eternal destiny of His children." 

 Ezra Taft Benson's address: “Salvation--A Family Affair”, Ensign, July 1992

http://www.lds.org/ensign/1992/07/salvation-a-family-affair?lang=eng

Sister Beck's address, “Teaching the Doctrine of the Family”, Ensign, March 2011

https://www.lds.org/ensign/2011/03/teaching-the-doctrine-of-the-family?lang=eng

David E. Bednar’s address, “Things as They Really Are”

http://www.lds.org/library/display/0,4945,538-1-4830-1,00.html

Gay Marriage

For this post I chose to discuss gay marriage.  I read an article written by a homosexual man who is opposed to same-sex marriage.  Here is a link to this article.  http://www.thepublicdiscourse.com/2013/03/9432/

An eccleciastical source I compared was The Divine Institution of Marriage found here:

http://www.mormonnewsroom.org/ldsnewsroom/eng/commentary/the-divine-institution-of-marriage

The first article is probably something very different to what most homosexuals believe, the second article as well.  I chose to write about similar articles because I thought that both were good articles for all Latter Day Saints to read.  The man defending marriage in the first article brings out a point that many people overlook.   

Like many, I have been very offended by the countries new drive for legalization of same sex marriage.  Living in Minnesota, the majority of people are in favor of this legalization.  It is not uncommon to see a rainbow button, or a gay pride bumper sticker.  I feel that we as members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints need to do more about this.  That is where I come up short.  My husband and I have brainstormed different ideas we have had on this matter.  For example, one Idea that we had was giving out one man one woman pride buttons for people to wear.  Another article that I read prevalent to this topic is: http://fireflydove.wordpress.com/2009/10/12/a-libertarian-view-of-gay-marriage/

Purpose

The Purpose of this blog is to help others to understand why members of the church of Jesus Christ feel the way we do about the Family.  

I can understand that others not accustom to our faith would be baffled by our family traditions compared to the rest of the world. 

The Family: A Proclamation to the World